I hope you have all enjoyed my minimal pregnancy posts, because I don't think I will ever have another child. I don't particularly want to turn this into a wallowing rant here, but I am 40 weeks pregnant and have no knowledge of baby bliss and therefore only know what it feels like to be uncomfortably, ungratifyingly, impossibly pregnant. Yes, I am bursting with life, yes, it is amazing what my body has done, yes, I am blessed to have a healthy fat peanut in there. No, I am not sleeping well. No, I do not feel good, and NO I do not want to talk to you. I used to think there is no way I'd have only one child, because my brothers are my best friends and I couldnt imagine a childhood without allies like that. But life sure has a way of teaching you to never say never, doesn't it? I don't think I want to do this again. ever.
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So Ive been aaaaalmost entirely off the refined sugar for aaaalmost my entire pregnancy, Ive been making some bomb-ass delicious muffins - vegan and agave sweetened or eating these ridiculously good maple-sugar coated nuts for a sweet fix..... but guys, I have to tell you, I am a little bit obsessed right now with this treat- its organic, low fat frozen yogurt so as far as "treats" are concerned, its really not bad.... in fact, its really, really good. so good, I felt inspired to write about it. And I don't want to hear ONE WORD about my hormones. They have nothing to do with this.
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Wow these last few weeks of pregnancy are intense for me. I guess because it has been really so easy for me, no symptoms, no pains, and really, I'm not trying to paint a different picture than that because I still feel very blessed and lucky and healthy. But I have gained 40 Lbs (which is more than a third of my starting weight, thankyouverymuch) and its all baby, all in front, which is great, but just imagine strapping a 40 lb. bowling ball to your torso... how awkward and difficult it would make things.... how heavy you would feel. I can't wait to feel light again! Putting on pants is difficult, nevermind the shoes. Walking my dog takes like 20x more effort than it used to. Hell, walking around the grocery store wears me out! And I can feel the subtle ways my body is preparing for labor. Toward the end, we release something called 'relaxin' which loosens all the ligaments and muscles in the body to help open the baby's passageway.... well, it also causes me to feel like my legs dont even work... it is also the culprit of the charming pregnancy "waddle" which I refuse to admit that I have (cause I dont) and being so big now, it is nearly impossible to be comfortable, ever. I don't care what anybody says about having a newborn, I KNOW it will be easier on me than this last stage of pregnancy. I don't care about sleepless nights, I never have, and at least it will be me- just ME- getting up ten times to soothe or feed or whatever. Right now it is us- me plus 40 lb. baby waking up to pee 50 times and needing a whole upper-body workout routine just to turn over and push myself out of bed. I am just really really done with it and I am ready to meet this kid and tell him whats up. I can hardly sing anymore since there is no room for oxygen in my lungs, the guitar doesnt fit, Im tired of the maternity clothes and if I have to go over the checklist of things I need for the baby one more time, my head is going to explode.
On a bright note, being so close makes it finally feel real and I am actually starting to get excited. My birthing classes have really helped my anxiety about the labor itself- we are taking hypnobirthing which is just a really awesome approach, focused on letting go of all fear and tension and essentially occupying the mind with relaxing techniques so that your body can do its job without interference. I am hoping to have a completely natural birth, without induction or epidurals or anything.... and I am sick of people "warning" me to be open to those things if they become medically necessary. If I wasn't open to it, Id be having a home birth. I will be in a hospital. Enough said. I don't know why people want to make sure you have some "reasonable" amount of fear about things at all times. Why doesn't anyone ever just say "Thats wonderful" and let it be? I always heard it about pursuing music and having something to fall back on, even when I was getting married, people made sure to "inform" me of how difficult it might be or what could go wrong, and now having a child, I am sure this wont be the last of everyone's "helpful" advice. But really, why don't we just accept each other's different approaches more and offer support and encouragement, why do we always have to interject what we think is best for them.... I understand it often comes from a loving place, but we really should all work on being more positive toward one another. I'm going to try and catch myself doing it too.
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Ugh, so the website has been really annoying, my server "upgraded" everything which apparently means they made it so nothing works right. I got a great review of "Sparkle Plenty" you can read here: http://indiemusicdigest.com/Ashley%20Th ... eview.html and I have some exciting things in the works this summer. I am snowed in, we got, I dont know, 15 inches? yesterday and I had my first snow day! I admit it was fun, we built a snowman and had fun running around with our dog in the knee-deep snow.... ok, so I dont do much running these days but I was putting a lot of effort into walking through it! Still, its back to functioning in the "real" world and taking care of the day-to-day stuff in the snow is what I dont like about it. Snow day at home? fun. getting your car out from under 15-inches and driving on snowy icy roads just to go to work? Bummer. Boy I am really looking forward to the summer. Ill even take spring at this point. To all my southern California friends- appreciate, appreciate, appreciate the weather you are blessed with!!
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So many of you may already know, but Brandi Carlile released an album last year also titled "Give Up the Ghost". Kind of random, and lets not forget that mine came first.... ;) but I am not a hater and honestly, I think she's pretty cool. I like a passionate voice and she's definitely got one. I may be partial to my own EP..... but you can check out her interpretation of giving up her own ghosts.
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